Step-by-Step Paint Removal Techniques

I came up with this technique after dumping a whole gallon of ugly gray paint in the floorboard of my car.

1. Open car door.
2. The paint can lid has become disconnected with the paint can. You observe that the entire gallon of paint is now completely covering the floor of your car...SCREAM.
3. Shut the car door and slowly compose yourself.
4. When the screaming has stopped, reopen the car door.
5. Make a plan of action before starting to move the items you had in the floorboard out of the car. If you just start picking up the stuffed animal, briefcase and plastic bag and flinging them out onto the grass beside your driveway, paint will follow every item. PLAN FIRST!
6. Getting mad will get you nowhere. (Not a technique, just an observation.)
7. Because you didn't make a plan and you were mad, you now have paint on nearly every surface of your car, on the outside of your car, the driveway...and most importantly all over yourself!
8. STOP!
9. Go inside your house, locate every paper towel, old rags and plastic trash bags.
10. Return to car. If you realize at this moment that you have left your purse, car keys and other important personal possesions sitting on the hood of your car (and they are still there), secure these items. (This item should be moved to #9)
11. Return to the house, sit in the middle of the floor (because your knees have given out) and thank God that no one stole your purse! No need to mention to Him about the car keys. Who would want to steal a car that reeked of paint!
12. Now, you are ready!
13. Don't even bother with rubber gloves because you are already covered in paint from #5.
14. Open plastic bag.
15. If you were lucky to have a floor mat, about 1/2 gallon of paint is on the floor mat (lucky you). Carefully pick up the floor mat. Quickly move the floor mat over the door frame and deposit it into the trash bag. Don't worry, about spillage now, it's too late for that. As the paint runs off of the floor mat, some will spill onto the seat, the door frame, the pavement, your pant leg, your sandals, and your toes. Leave it for later.
16. OK, you're getting into the really messy details now. You will be tempted to stand up straight, survey the disaster before you and say, "I give up." DON'T DO IT! BE STRONG!
17. Take the first roll of paper towels, tear off half a dozen or so, and start mopping up the paint. That's right...you are already covered in paint anyway, so what's the problem?
18. Repeat Step 17 until you run out of the first roll of paper towels. Reach for the second roll. It's OK if it's only a partial roll, use what you have. Continue, sopping up the paint.
19. Don't, I said DON'T wipe the sweat from your face. Big mistake at this point.
20. If you didn't read Step 19, and wiped the sweat from your face, just remember that paint will wash off of your hands and face. It's a little more difficult to get it out of your hair.
21. DON'T CRY if you are alone! It only makes things worse. However, if husband drives up at this stage, CRYING AND SOBBING IS REQUIRED! Just let him comfort you. It will take the focus off of the disaster he is seeing for the first time, and give him something important to do.
22. If your husband hasn't arrived yet, you might want to call a friend to get a little sympathy. This step is not required and may prove dangerous to your cell phone functionality.
23. After you have mopped and sopped up as much of the paint from the carpet that you can, it's time to stop.
24. Clean up or throw away all that is now on the grass beside your driveway. If your husband is still around, don't be shy, ALLOW him to help you!
25. After everything is done, go inside. Wash as much paint off of you as you can, change your clothes, and your shoes. Don't forget to wash the paint from between your toes. Then, fix your lunch. Afterall, that's why you came home in the first place.
26. After lunch, return to the car, open door.
27. OPEN WINDOWS (move this to Step 12).
28. Job complete.
29. It's very important to have a gracious and loving husband (or friend). He will dry your tears, tell you it's OK, tell you that the carpet needed to be replaced anyway, and help you to laugh at the whole thing. Then, you need to buy a huge floor mat to temporarily cover the ugly gray paint that is now covering the once dark blue carpet.
30. If Step 29 is impossible for you, then there's always Cash for Clunkers. Oops, sorry, that ended last Monday!

Good luck!

Gray Puddles

Getting the condo ready to sell has taken 8 months of my hard labor and too much of my hard earned money. I might add, money that I didn't have. After painting the entire condo--walls, ceilings, baseboards, cabinets and doors--I thought I was finished. I thought too soon. The air conditioner decided to quit cooling. Then the plumbing needed some work. After that, the carpet had to be replaced. Finally, everything was done, and I put it on the market. Wham! I got a bite one week after it went on the market. Things were going pretty good, too good.

The potential buyer made an offer, I countered and they countered again. We finally came to an agreement and the contract was signed. However, the buyers wanted more repairs. Seems as if the dishwasher was going out, the drains wouldn't drain, all the outlets near the sinks needed to be upgraded and the exhaust fan in the bathroom needed repair. Did I say this was becoming a money pit?

The only thing out of that list that didn't actually need repair or replacement was the dishwasher. THANK GOD! Seems as if there was a clear plastic spoon in the bottom of the dishwasher that made a horrible sound. The "Inspector" said it was a bearing going out. Silly inspector...I simply eliminated the spoon, which magically eliminated the noise in the dishwasher. Instant fix! HALLELUJAH.

Thought I was home free. Of course, I happened to look up at the exhaust fan repair and realized the electrician had left a gaping hole in the ceiling. More calls, more money. Is there ever an end to this story. Will I make it to Friday's closing?

I decided to touch up a bit of paint on the fireplace mantle. Thinking ahead this morning, I put the gallon-size can full of the left-over paint in my car. Unfortunately, the lid was not sealed completely and I opening my car door to find the entire can of paint no longer residing in the can but in a gallon-size gray puddle in the floorboard of my car!

I think I'm going to play it safe and keep my sanity. The fireplace mantle will have to stay as is with no touch-up paint. Friday can't get here soon enough. Who knows, by the time I get to the closing, I may be the gray puddle in the floorboard of my car! Gray has never been one of my favorite colors anyway.